Learning how to ask good questions is paramount in listening well. Good questions- those that are thoughtful, short, respectful, pertinent, and open-ended (open-ended questions cannot be answered with ‘Yes’ or ‘No’)- invite thoughtful responses, stories, and opportunities to express how the person is feeling. Leading questions, judgmental questions, questions that suggest a solution, and the “Why?” questions can shut down conversation, causing the person sharing to retreat. It is also important that questions not be shot off rapid fire. Give them time to consider and explore one question before asking another, listening well to their responses. Be curious and give time for them to ponder your questions.
Examples of Good Questions:
- Can you put words to the tears that are starting to come?
- What about his/her words feel true or have some power for you? What sticks?
- Do you want to say more about that? (about the anxiety, the rejection, the betrayal)
- What are you doing with the hurt? It’s so hard to contend with the hurt.
- How are you making sense of that accident, betrayal, situation?
- I wonder if you are able to allow yourself to be angry at what was done, what happened to you? I feel angry with you, on your behalf.
- How are you feeling in your body right now?
