My grandfathers, Lawrence and Charles, are the two men who impacted my life by fathering my mom and dad. How they handled my parents’ hearts, how they loved and how they wounded them, has profoundly shaped me. God designed it that way. One of his great intentions for fathers is to pass down life through blessing. Wounding exists only because our enemy has hijacked the importance and beauty of blessing. How we engage our kids with our words brings either life or death. If—and, more likely, when—we look back and see we brought death, the good news is there is resurrection.
The word father means different things to different people. To some, it speaks of passivity, absence, betrayal, demandingness, control, even abuse. To others, it is a term of endearment, a reminder there was, or still is, someone out there looking after us, someone who makes sure we are all right no matter what the cost or inconvenience is to him.
How your kids see and experience you is vitally connected to how they see and experience God because “Father” is the primary way God chooses to be known. No wonder the role of father is under such assault—God created fatherhood to mirror his own identity. The enemy uses father wounds to give both dads and God a bad rap.
Here’s the problem: wounds in one relationship are guaranteed to hinder other relationships. We can’t help it; we project our past experiences onto our current realities. Only our heavenly Father has the ability to take the father wounds so many of us have borne for decades and, in their place, give us new names, new messages, new seeds of love and life to be sown for generations to come.
God is inviting every father to a heart-shaping assignment that is his alone as he fathers his children. Yet even as I write these words, I feel the weightiness of my own failures.
It’s the enemy’s way—accusation and doubt, the doorways to guilt and shame: “Who are you to write about fatherhood?” As Billy Graham reportedly said, “A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.”1 If that’s true—and I’m certain it is—then we see why the enemy’s whispers and accusations slither frequently into our thoughts.
Here’s the truth that gives me, and you, hope: the legacy we leave behind isn’t determined by how we started (though that may very well need to be cleaned up) but, rather, by how we move forward from here. That’s what will make the difference in how you and I will be known to our grandchildren and even our great-grandchildren. To move consistently in the right direction, we need fathering as we father.
As you ponder all this with God today, consider asking Him:
Father, how has my relationship with my own dad (or lack of relationship) impacted me and how I see you?
Jesus, what new name, messages, and seeds of love and life do you want to sow in my heart in this season?
Holy Spirit, would you open my heart and mind to a fatherhood miss that I’ve created–and how you would like me to move toward gentle repair?
Scripture:
Your sons will take the place of your fathers; you will make them princes throughout the land. - Psalm 45:16 NIV
Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them. “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate. Luke 15:11-24 NIV
Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! - Matthew 7:9-11 NIV
