The Boyhood Stage of the Masculine Journey is, or should be, a time of being seen, wanted, and affirmed, a time of play and wonder, a time when a boy experiences that he is the joy of his father and has the attention of his mother. This is the time for the boy to experience that someone is looking out for him, that the world is not up to him, that Mom is attentively present and “Dad’s got things under control.”
In all of it, the main job of Dad and Mom is to answer the deep questions of their boy’s heart—Do you see me? Do you love what you see?—hundreds of times over with strong and tender replies, Yes, and yes!
To a boy who is safe, his entire world feels like a great adventure. Being the beloved son pours deep, strong foundational footings in this stage. And that good foundation, and what is built upon it, will in turn be able to withstand the storms and battles in the stages to come.
Since being loved is core to how we were created and receiving love is what we were created for, our experience of being a beloved son is the foundation from which all other stages in our development are built. Whether you were born in the newest birthing facility or in a manger, the environment that matters most is how your parents welcomed you into their lives. The ways you were nurtured, protected, and provided for in the womb and in the early days of infancy all lay the foundation for how you receive, how you interpret, and how you pursue being loved.
We are made for love, and yet all hearts have been missed, overlooked, even sinned against. Every heart has been wounded. Those assigned to protect us, have at one time or another wounded us. It cannot be avoided; there are just too many opportunities for it to happen. Even the best of parents are imperfect, and our enemy is that good at capitalizing on even the smallest opportunities.
Awful as wounding moments may be, the lying messages we derive from them are even worse. Such lies hit hard when we are young, and when we agree with them, they have the power to shape our beliefs and control our lives. In response, we make vows about how we will carry on: “I will never” or “I will always.” That’s how it works: whether consciously or subconsciously, we make an agreement that the lie is true, and we vow how we will act or think in response to prove ourselves right or protect ourselves henceforth. That combination of agreements and vows, internalized, makes up the system of the false self that is so powerful and operational in a man’s life. It explains why, left undealt with, what happened to us when we were four years old can remain fully operational in us when we’re fifty-four.
But here’s the incredibly good news: regardless of what you did or didn’t get as a boy, your heart can be healed. Remember, we are all unfinished and unfathered to some degree. This is what our Trinity God wants to walk you through as a man so you can reclaim what was taken from you. God’s unconditional love is the remedy that heals all wounds and transforms you. Our heavenly Father is at work, and his intention for us is Life with a capital L. He has a way forward toward reclaiming the wonder.
As you ponder all this with God today, consider asking Him:
Father, what kind of story was I born into? Would you help me understand my boyhood?
Jesus, when I was a boy, what experiences did I have that told me I was special and mattered, and what experiences did I have that told me I wasn’t special and didn’t matter?
Spirit, would you reveal to my mind and heart any wounding moments and the vows I made as a boy and how they may be impacting me today?
Scripture:
Luke 2:52 And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.
Matthew 18:3-5 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.
Psalm 139:13-14 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
