The last thing any of us dads want to do is wound our kids. But, sooner or later, we say or do something that hurts our child’s heart. When it happens, we need to own our culpability. If your dog bites someone, you are responsible, and ditto for your false self. Your kids don’t care for explanations about the false self. What they do deeply care about is how you respond afterward. Even though your false self got loose, your true self can still show up and answer their core questions. Even your mistake can become an opportunity to show them you love them.
Most dads have no idea how badly they have wounded their children and, therefore, are still wounding them. But the good thing is, when God shows you how you’ve hurt your child, that moment of hard revelation becomes an invitation. God believes you are ready to see what you did so you can own it and attempt to make amends, so your son or daughter can hopefully entrust you with their heart once again.
Their memory of how a wound happened may be very different from yours. What matters is the record in their heart: how they perceived the wounding and how it made them feel. Conversations about wounding moments are no time for excuses or discounting your child’s memory of what really happened. Rather, they are a time to step into the invitation to listen, pursue understanding, hear how they feel, and offer care. In doing so, you bring the first wave of healing to your loved one’s heart and point your relationship in a good direction.
Every father falls from his pedestal. My own fall, which happened long before I was even aware of it, allowed God to help me up. When the painful realization finally hit, it was a great mercy. God was inviting me to be fathered in the midst of my fatherhood. Despite my past failures, God continues to help me move forward. He’s training me to love my kids better by tuning in to their hearts more and to wound them less by tuning in to my own heart with God.
As you ponder all this with God today, consider asking Him:
Father, how do you long to father me in my own fatherhood journey?
Jesus, would you bring to mind any examples in my life of when someone listened to me well? Would you encourage and equip me to be able to do that with my kids?
Holy Spirit, what is your invitation to me as I realize any places I have wounded my children?
Scripture:
A wise person will listen and continue to learn, and an understanding person will gain direction. - Proverbs 1:5 GW
Understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Let everyone be quick to hear [be a careful, thoughtful listener], slow to speak [a speaker of carefully chosen words and], slow to anger [patient, reflective, forgiving]. - James 1:19 AMP
He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. - Isaiah 40:11 NIV
